


Everybody Loves a Clown

by jojothecr



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Clowns, M/M, Written in 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-24
Updated: 2011-08-24
Packaged: 2017-10-23 00:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojothecr/pseuds/jojothecr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Everybody loves a clown... Well, everybody but Jensen...</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Loves a Clown

“What’d she say?” Jared asks adversely before he takes another mouthful sized bite of his rich chocolate-covered donut, making himself unable to speak for an entire thirty seconds. He shakes a few crumbs off his sleeve and looks up at Jensen, who’s walking beside him, re-telling a story of his last Christmas morning at home.

Jensen pulls the plastic cup with coffee from his lips and nods quickly, signifying Jared to hold on for a moment before he swallows the gulp of his black, bitter drug. And then another few seconds when he covers his mouth with his hand, unsuccessfully trying to hide a yawn.  
Jared shakes his head amusedly and chuckles, because it’s more than ten in the morning and Jensen’s already on his second coffee, and yet he manages to still look mostly asleep and half dead to the rest of the world.

To his defence though, Jared must admit that the weather and the entire mood of the day at all are quite sleepy by themselves. The sky is blanketed with weightily grizzled clouds that have been pelting the entire town with a dose of cold sugar since the previous night, bathing the whole environs in a soft shade of white and blue.  
There are less than three weeks before Christmas left, but the streets are surprisingly empty; no queues, no rush, no crowds of bag filled hands. The fallen snow glitters with a soft golden blaze poured from the flickering snowflakes and bells that hang from every streetlamp framing the pavement. Every shop-window is filled with colourful twinkling fairy lights, and snowbound country-sides, snowmen and Santa’s sleighs painted with artificial snow. In the middle of the square stands a large Christmas tree, jewelled with fire tongs in every shade of orange, that blink lazily only from time to time; looking as tired as all the faces they’ve passed by so far.

“She unwrapped the large box...” Jensen continues eventually, using both of his hands to describe the size of the present he gave to his sister. “...and got this funny look on her face and then--“  
His voice drops away all of a sudden, disappearing with a startled gasp. Jensen himself halts as if he has suddenly forgotten the basic rules of moving and the coffee in his cup makes an effective spin up and around the circuit.

Realizing that Jensen’s not following, Jared stops too and walks the few steps back to where Jensen’s standing in the middle of the snow-covered pavement and looking as if he’s just seen the YED or at least a loup-garou.

“What?” Jared asks panicked, noticing that Jensen’s face has gone almost deathly pale in a matter of a few seconds, but having no clue why.

Jensen says nothing; he just keeps staring ahead, his hand holding the hot black liquid trembles almost imperceptibly.

“Jen, what is it?” Jared tries again, waving his hand in front of Jensen’s face to break the panicked haze in front of his eyes. Jensen blinks and swallows, but those are all the signs he gives to Jared to let him know he’s still mentally present; at least partly.

Absolutely feckless, Jared stands beside Jensen and huddles up a little to get the same visual field Jensen has and see what he sees. His eyes scan the entire surrounding, three times, but besides a few parked and snow covered cars on the other side of the street, one lost brindle cat and a couple of kids cadging coloured balloons from some guy in a costume of a clown down their lane, Jared doesn’t seen anything as terrifying as is reflected in Jensen’s wide eyes.

Surprisingly enough though Jensen’s gaze is fixed right at the guy in the red and white striped pants and a long blue coat with big yellow buttons.

“Want me to bring you a balloon?” Jared offers eagerly, practically resolved to pick a quarrel with the guy, or the kids, to get Jensen his balloons, if that’s what he wants.

Jensen turns his head with a catatonic movement of a robot and looks up at Jared. “Want me to punch you?!” He retorts.

Jared throws his hands up in a clueless gesture and opens his mouth; ready to fight for his good and innocent intentions, when it suddenly rises upon him and he bursts out with laughter.

“Is that it?” He asks between attacks of hiccup and laughter, not even trying to hide his amusement.

Jensen takes a glance at him with narrowed eyes, looking unimpressed if not downright pissed off, and Jared thanks God that a simple look can’t kill, because otherwise, he’d be surely dead on the freezing ground by now. Eventually he stops giggling like a nutcase and takes pity on the man in front of him, and a deep breath to compose himself. “You do realize it’s not a Rakshasa,” he inquires carefully. “Just a guy in a costume.”

“You do realize I don’t give a fuckin’ crap?” Jensen replies quietly in despite of the peevishness filling his words. “It’s a –“

“...clown.” Jared offers with a hardly suppressed chuckle. “It’s just a clown.”

“NO,” Jensen objects vehemently. “It’s not _just_ a clown. It _is_ a clown! Fuckin’ clown.”

Seeing that Jensen’s panic doesn’t fade away the least, and on the contrary increases every time the word clown echoes in between them, Jared steps in front of Jensen to at least shade his view of the freaking clown. “Dude, seriously?”

Jensen lets out a deep sigh and scratches at his eyebrow unwittingly. “I fuckin’ hate those things,” he admits.

“Why?” Jared frowns confusedly.

“ _Why?_ ” Jensen asks as if it wasn’t obvious. “’Cause they’re scary. They’re aberrant... The gestures... The smile, it’s-it’s... Well, how normal is it for a grown man to constantly smile like an idiot?”

Jared pauses for a moment, briefly wondering whether he should be offended or not.

“I don’t mean you,” Jensen certifies quickly. “At least you... you don’t look so scary when you smile.”

“Thanks,” Jared smiles; carefully and only a little. “I guess.”

He wonders how Jensen managed to shoot an entire episode about clowns - killing clowns - when this absolutely innocent looking one has nearly caused him a brain stroke. Maybe he was just too drawn into Dean’s character to let his own fear scrape through the layers of Dean’s jokes and teasing poor frightened Sam. Thinking about it though, he realizes that Jensen was keeping a suspicious distance from the clown-actor.  
Funny, how different they really are from their characters.

“Besides it’s just a mask,” Jensen goes on. “God knows what’s rotting in their heads... They just freak me out.” He finishes, shaking his head as he peers behind Jared to see the guy grin down at the bunch of kids.

Smiling sympathetically, Jared nods his understatement. “I can see that... Only, we need to get back home so-” He grabs Jensen by the shoulders and spins him around, making him face the path they’ve walked up here. “- let’s go.”

He guides him nearly a quarter mile back, where there is a shortcut in between the buildings and is – strikingly - really shorter, because Jensen doesn’t seem to be able to walk around the damned guy, even with a four, five metres distance.

The buildings are higher in here, casting shadows that meet and melt into each other in the middle of the street and they definitely don’t look scary, only Jensen keeps looking up and turning back to see if they aren’t followed; either from behind or above. It’s funny and Jared can’t really help himself and stop laughing, and spooky at the same time to see Jensen, usually so composed, jumping nearly out of his skin.

Jared takes the coffee cup from Jensen’s hand, causing him to skip, because he wasn’t paying attention and clearly forgotten he’s still holding it, and throws it into the earthen garbage bin standing nearby.

“Stop thinkin’ ‘bout it, okay?” He presses, stroking Jensen’s back lightly. “Just... ignore him.”

“I’m tryin’... it doesn’t work,” Jensen protests.

“Alright, stop.” Jared says, ceasing and making Jensen look at him confusedly. “Take a deep breath, and try harder... Or I’ll be forced to approach to drastic measures.”

Jensen’s eyes widen at that and he stops. He takes a deep breath, following the guiding movements of Jared’s hands, and then leans against the cracked bricks of one of the house and shoves his hands into the pockets of his coat, puffing a frustrated breath.

Jared watches the flow of emotions shifting upon Jensen’s face; from fear and panic to disgust and embarrassment, and somehow he suddenly remembers what he’s suppressed, trying to convince himself that it didn’t mean anything...

 

That one moment in the middle of summer; late, hot evening of July and Jared’s birthday party. Loud laughter and drunken voices. Strumming of a guitar and crackling of fire. Cloudless, starry sky; blue like a spilled ink...

Walking through the house to find some more paper towels, Jared caught a glimpse of Jensen; sitting on a chair in the living room, leaned against the well-filled library, his cell phone clasped between his ear and shoulder, his fingers munching the rim of his t-shirt unwittingly. His unique ‘for mamma only’ smile lighting up his face and his bare foot thumping against the floor in the rhythm of the music coming from outside, along with the soft, freshly-cut grass-filled breeze.  
Registering a movement in the corridor with the corner of his eye, Jensen looked up and smiled lightly at Jared with a light jerk of his head in a greeting, and Jared grinned back... and stopped just where he was.  
Something shifted and turned upside down, and maybe it was caused by the alcohol warming his blood, but his view at the man in front of his eyes suddenly rapidly changed.  
Jensen turned his head to stare out the window, speaking softly to his ma at the other end of the line and probably forgetting Jared was still there; watching.  
Jared’s eyes meanwhile slid from the dirty blond spikes of Jensen’s hair, over the heavy shadows of his dark, thick eyelashes, so visible in his profile, down to the tight, white T-shirt that was clinging to Jensen’s body like a second skin, faithfully copying the shape of his chest and shoulders and creating a stark contrast to the honey-coloured shade of his arms. Jared could feel his breath leaping forward when he noticed the sliver of less tanned skin of Jensen’s hip peering between the waistband of his jeans and the T-shirt that has gathered up a little as Jensen had tugged it forward, worrying the cotton between his fingers. Jared’s gaze ventured lower, over the worn pale denim of Jensen’s pants stretched across his muscled thighs and his knee bared in a tattered tear, to his other foot, resting on the bar of the chair, and his beaten up sneakers lying a few feet away.  
Jared absolutely forgot what he came for, not anymore realizing he was staring at his co-star and best friend as if he’d never seen him before, in a way he’d definitely never looked at him before; Jensen’s voice and all the chattering of their friends echoing in the backyard, only a gentle, obscure whisper in his ears.  
Then Jensen moved and Jared startled, desperately trying to remember what he was up to before he got captivated with... God knows what actually.

“kay,” Jensen nodded, although there was only Jared to see it and he wasn’t even the one Jensen’s words were addressed to. “Call ya later. Love you, too.”

Jensen closed his cell with a quiet click and shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans, and Jared could clearly see the surprised jerk of his body when he noticed Jared was still standing there.

“Havin’ fun?” He asked, regaining his equilibrium quickly, and Jared looked up at him with a confused frown, because he did indeed see Jensen’s (full, beautiful, pink) lips moving, but his ears stayed completely deaf to what they were saying.

“Huh?”

“The party?” Jensen prompted, grinning amusedly at Jared’s unfocused expression.

“Right,” Jared nodded finally, snapping himself out of his dreaming and forcing his jelly legs to move and walk into the room at least. “It’s great, it’s... great.” And damn, since when did he start to have problems putting together more than three words?

“Alright,” Jensen inclined his head to the side doubtfully. “I guess you should go back there then, when you’re havin’ such a great time.”

“I do, really,” Jared said quickly, knowing it hadn’t been easy for Jensen to get all Jared’s friends to one place at one day. “I do, y’know that... and thank ya for that.”

“Well,” Jensen shrugged and smiled shyly. “T’ was mostly Chad’s work, but... yar welcome.”

Jensen moved out of the shadows and the light of the lamp in the corner fell across his face, illuminating the gentle dusting of caramel-coloured freckles splattered upon the bridge of his nose and both cheeks, and mirrored in his eyes that were no more than two deep pools of green. Kind of stunned and taken off guard with the fire flickering in them, Jared didn’t manage even a single worded sentence.

Jensen frowned at Jared’s unusual silence. “Somethin’s wrong?”

“Yes,” Jared blurted out. “No...” He corrected himself in a split of second and then at Jensen’s arched eyebrow just shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“C’mon, Jay... what’s goin’ on?”

“Nothin’... everythin’s... cool. Everythin’s cool.”

Jensen nodded slowly, clearly unconvinced and stood up, patting Jared’s shoulder. “Alright, Weirdy... let me know when you find somethin’ _uncool_ then, ‘k?”

It was the simple touch that switched on something in Jared’s brain and an unknown ache and heat spilled through his body like lava, making his skin prickle.

Jensen had managed one, single step before Jared’s strong hands grasped his upper arms and pushed him against the wooden bars of the library, knocking the breath out of him and causing him to look up at Jared in surprise and barely restrained shock.

Jared’s larger body shadowed Jensen’s and his lips instantly pressed against Jensen’s; his tongue licking its way into the hot cavern urgently, drawing a startled gasp out of the other man at that sudden invasion. Tons of seconds passed, an endless moment of hesitation, before Jensen sighed into Jared’s mouth and the tip of his tongue touched Jared’s; lightly, tentatively. Jared moaned and his body moved further into Jensen’s, pushing his back against the hard wood and lines of books behind him, carelessly; seeking warmth and needed friction. He let go off Jensen’s hands, cupping the back of his head and tilting it for a better access and slipping his other hand down the back pocket of Jensen’s jeans. His thigh jolted in between Jensen’s, making his back arch off the library and his mouth fall open on a breathless groan. Jensen shuddered and Jared heaved a desperate moan, longing for more with every passing millisecond. Wanting more than the mixture of expensive wine and ordinary beer, of hot sauce and too sweet birthday cake meeting on their tongues. Jensen’s fingers wrapped in the loops of Jared’s jeans, keeping him close as their hips rippled in a searing, rhythmless motion. Out of breath, Jared pulled away involuntarily and rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen’s head lolled to the side with an unspoken approval and his fingers tangled in Jared’s hair; his voice low and uneven when he breathed out Jared’s name. Jared’s lips parted upon Jensen’s summer-warmed skin, nipping and licking on every exposed inch; raising goose pumps underneath his touch. His body throbbing with desire he hasn’t felt for a damn long time, his hand slowly slipped in between their bodies and curled around the button on Jensen’s jeans, working it loose. Jensen jerked, and like a thunderbolt piercing the sky, snapped back to reality. His fingers wrapped around Jared’s wrist, just when the tips of Jared’s fingers stirred underneath the waistband of his jeans, and prevented them from moving any further.

“Jay, don’t,” he peeped out, breathlessly.

Jared looked up, only to find the hellfire itself burning in Jensen’s eyes; dark and wanting, betraying what his common senses tried to deny. Swallowing hard, Jensen shook his head. “Not now... not like that.”

Jared nodded, not really able to do much more with the lust clutching his body and the mist in front of his eyes... And then he clasped his hand over his mouth and rushed for the bathroom, when everything he had ate and drank decided to have a party on their own.

 

Jensen’s eyes shine against the blackness of his knitted cap and scarf of the same colour, and his cheeks are reddish from the freezing wind and embarrassment, and Jared wonders how he’s been able to put all his confused thoughts and feelings to perdition when this guy has been in front of his eyes basically 24/7 for all those elapsed months. When he doesn’t even need to try much to recall Jensen’s taste on his tongue.

Jensen throws his hands up in question, causing the tails of his coat to fly up and inclines his head to the side slightly. “What?”

Jared’s eyes slide to the ground and he kicks a rounded pebble with the tip of his boot, evoking it jump up and cling against the concrete a few times, and then looks up.

“I think I know a cure.” He says, trying not to smile at the stupidity of his own words.

Jensen’s eyebrow arches and disappears under the rim of his cap. “And that bein’?”

Hesitating only for a moment, Jared takes a few steps to Jensen, studying his face in the shadows and waiting for the slightest hint of indignation that he’s creeping in his personal space. Nothing comes, which is probably just because he’s done it so many times before that Jensen’s gotten used to it, but this time Jared takes it as a sign, an approval. He touches Jensen’s cold cheek with the tips of his fingers, before whispering: “This.” and pressing his lips against Jensen’s; stealing his question before he can even formulate it.

He pulls away before he can go any further, or maybe Jensen has pushed him away, but Jared’s too dazed to tell. When he manages to open his eyes, he finds Jensen’s own staring right back at him; wide open and confused, skidding all over Jared’s face questioningly.

“What was...” He gesticulates wildly between the two of them, including the emptied street and the ashy sky above, and then more or less gives up his try for a better description. “...that? Jay?”

For a brief moment Jared contemplates to say: If I need to explain that, then I should probably go and start running, but then his eyes catch a glimpse of the tip of Jensen’s pink tongue as it sweeps across his lower lip - a pure habit nothing more – and his thoughts change direction.

“Well,” he grins nervously. “Helped you to forget about the freakin’ evil monster you saw... didn’t it?”

Jensen’s forehead creases with lines of surprise and deep thoughts and he bites down onto his lip. Then he looks up and Jared’s stomach makes a somersault at the warmth and mischief mirroring in Jensen’s eyes.

“Not entirely,” Jensen confesses with a soft grin and a mild shrug of his shoulder.

Jared’s smile spreads across his whole face, deepening his dimples and making his eyes twinkle, and he moves forward. “I can try again,” he offers.

Jensen lifts his eyebrow with a curiosity and challenge, and then shakes his head incuriously. “Nah, don’t stress yourself... I’ll be fine.”

Jared grabs the rims of Jensen’s collar, pulling him from the wall and closer. “’s fine, really,” he replies. “It’s not such a sacrifice, anyway.”

“Well, if you say so.” Jensen shrugs and smiles innocently, looking as if he wasn’t thirty, but thirteen.

Jared places his index finger at the tip of Jensen’s frozen nose, smoothing away a few melted snowflakes, then traces it down over Jensen’s full lips and two-day stubble to rest underneath his chin and tilts his head up.

“I want to,” he whispers against Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen’s lips are colder than a few minutes ago, but they’re still that smooth and tempting, and as Jensen’s hand comes to rest at the nape of Jared’s neck, drawing him even nearer, Jared knows he doesn’t need to stop this time. His tongue darts out, tasting bitter coffee and Christmas weather on Jensen’s lips, and his hands slip past Jensen’s unbuttoned coat (since the last remaining button, right in the middle, was captured by Harley as he tried to persuade Jensen to stay at home with them) to rest on his hips, chilling his skin even through the two layers of clothing. His body presses Jensen back into the wall, making his head thump against it lightly and Jensen gasp in surprise. He laughs it off though and as his lips part, Jared’s curious tongue pushes inside, seeking Jensen’s and the heat coming of his coffee-salted breath. Winding both arms around Jared’s neck Jensen opens his mouth more and his tongue strokes over Jared’s teasingly; silky and moist, making Jared wonder whether there’s been an earthquake nearby or if those are only his knees shaking. When Jensen’s hips move against Jared’s, drawing a constricted moan out of the younger man, Jared’s grip tightens and his tongue jostles deeper, determined to map every curve and hollow of Jensen’s mouth.

Eventually, breathless and a little dizzy, they draw away; just enough to let some fresh air (and no clowns) in between. Letting his fingers tap against Jensen’s hips in the rhythm of the Christmas song reverberating through the streets, Jared allows himself a little hope that this finally purports something. Because neither of them is drunk. There isn’t even the tiniest taste of beer or whiskey on their tongues; just a bitter coffee and sweet chocolate, and Jensen’s eyes aren’t glassy. They’re open and waiting, looking up at Jared with a mixture of surprise and expectations. The colour of his irises is nearly swallowed with the black of his pupils and his lips are darker and puffed, and there’s a soft smile that Jared’s never seen before. And maybe even back there, in the middle of summer it meant something, because drunk people usually don’t know what they’re doing, but at the same time they tend to be honest; doing what they wouldn’t dare being sober.

“We should go.” Jensen says a little hoarsely, as he pulls from the wall and dips his freezing hands back into the warmth of his pockets.

“Yeah.” Jared nods, unable to hide the sadness that flashes across his face at the gesture. He stands where he was though, listening as the freshly fallen snow crunches underneath Jensen’s boots.

“Jen?”

Jensen stops and turns to look back at Jared, who’s still staring at the wall. “Hmm?” He asks, a little suspiciously.

“Tell me...,” Jared starts hesitantly, before he turns to face Jensen. “Tell me I’m not wrong. Tell me I’m not misinterpretin’ this thing in to somethin’ it’s not...”

“Jare,” Jensen says, walking the few steps back to him.

“Tell me you still remember what happened in July.” Jared demands, regarding Jensen chew on his bottom lip pensively.

“I do remember,” Jensen nods slowly. “Hell, I usually remember when somebody shoves his tongue down my throat and then runs away.”

“I got sick! - Not of that...” Jared defends himself vehemently, before he realizes Jensen’s tone wasn’t mocking, just a little amused, and smiles nervously.

“Tell me that there really is somethin’ more happenin’ here... ‘Cause I think I like you, but I don’t wanna loose what we have and then there was Sandy and-and I didn’t even know I’m-but I don’t want to-what we have and --“ Jensen’s fingers pressed against Jared’s lips stop the flow of his mumble and Jensen smiles gently.

“There _is_ more,” he says. “But it’s... it’s not that simple, Jay. I wish it was.” He pulls his hand away to wipe a few new snowflakes off Jared’s eyebrow and sighs.

“If you’re worried about our fans,” Jared ponders. “You know what they think.”

Jensen lets out a forced chuckle and nods. Then another shadow falls across his face. “We’re not alone in that... there’s Danneel and whatever is between us. There are our families, friends... There are people around us. And not all of them would understand.”

“Right,” Jared agrees sadly.

“And what if... what if it’s not gonna work?” Jensen wonders, as always seeing troubles and barriers Jared tries to ignore. “What if it will only screw up what we have now... and we’ll never be able to put it back together.”

“I’m willin’ to risk that,” Jared says resolutely, tugging Jensen closer by his coat. “What we have is fallin’ apart... I mean, I can’t look at you anymore and not remember how you taste, how you feel in my arms.”

Jensen blushes and looks away from the heat pouring from Jared’s eyes, his words.

“We can try, right?” Jared asks; pleading, hoping. “Make it work. Make them understand... You don’t-you don’t want to give up on us just ‘cause it’s new and maybe a bit odd and scary...?”

It feels like the whole of eternity has passed before Jensen decides to answer and meanwhile Jared can feel his heart beating slower and slower; waiting and expecting to be crushed to pieces in the next couple of minutes.

“Jensen?”

Finally Jensen’s eyes sweep back to Jared’s and he smiles. “No, not givin’ it up.”

Jared’s eyes light up and a huge grin spreads across his face. He grabs Jensen’s scarf and drags him up to his tiptoes, capturing his lips in another bruising kiss.

Jensen draws away, grinning. “Doesn’t mean we have to make out right here on the street,” he points out, pushing Jared off himself gently.

“No?” Jared asks, disappointed; looking exactly like Harley when Sadie steals his chew toy.

“No,” Jensen laughs, elbowing Jared’s side to push him forward. “C’mon.”

Jensen walks closer to Jared than before, but he’s still too far for Jared’s liking. However, when they meet the same, or maybe another clown a few blocks away and Jensen reaches blindly for Jared, grasping his hand firmly, Jared doesn’t see a single reason why he should inform him about that, and instead entwines his fingers through Jensen’s, holding tightly.


End file.
